Crimson Tears
by Riku of Darkness
Summary: Sorry...Sorry...You're always sorry' I didn't mean any disrespect... 'Of course not! You never do' ::: They glisten in the light, but are tainted with darkness... Crimson Tears
1. Falling Away

They say Love hurts… That's definitely a statement worth pondering. When something hurts, you want it to stop. You give it up or stop using it. It makes sense, no? Why torture yourself with something when there must be a better alternative out there? So is it really Love that hurts? 

No… It's like that other saying: "Guns don't kill people… People kill people". So then, 'Love doesn't hurt people… People use love to hurt those victim to it'. Does that statement strike you as odd or as something that we should consider more often? Love isn't a physical manifestation, so it can't cause physical harm… People do that. Love can be considered mental, I suppose. But without actions from a physical form, how can mental anguish be created?

Love is an emotion, or so they say. So is it accurate to say Love causes emotional pain? No… Because, like mental, emotions can't be ruptured without an external force to instigate it. Physical and mental agony cause emotional hell, so to properly accord with the previous conclusions, emotional pain must be inflicted by a physical entity. Knowing this revelation, why would someone stay with another if he causes such savage anguish?

I… I couldn't tell you… But maybe… **_she_** can…

* * *

I'm going to keep this brief because this story has already taken two days to prepare for posting alone, not to mention the extensive time it took to type up. 

Above you is a thought process I created for this introductory section for my one-shot "Crimson Tears". I did not want any AN's in the sections as they are actually one large story. This IS a one-shot; however, the final page count (Times New Roman, size 10 font) was 27.5 pages long. Needless to say, I thought separations might make it slightly easier for the reader. I suggest reading and reviewing (if you are the type that reviews) each one separately to keep your mind from reeling too greatly. Plus I really need honest criticism for the entire story, so taking each section one at a time should make that easier for you.

Two things I want to make clear; abnormal disclaimers if you will. One, I'm not trying to condone abusive spousal actions. This is a story that touches on the subject of relationship abuse, but shouldn't be judged to hasrhly in regards to reality. There is no excuse to hurt anyone, especially if you're in a relationship, but I doubt most people have a bastard muse residing in their hearts. Don't take her feelings too seriously; if you are in a relationship with an abusive partner, and you do love him, then you will try to find someplace that will help him, but do NOT just brush it off.

Secondly, this is NOT a songfic. The fanfiction rules clearly state that unowned song lyrics cannot be used unless integrated into the story itself. Knowing Kingdom Hearts and about appearance of the darkness in films and stories, one will know that the shadows incessantly whisper dark thoughts and words to the one or ones they surround. Yes, the lines are from Linkin Park's 'Breaking the Habit', but they were just as effective in wisping around me as I wrote as they were in Riku's mind.

They are not illegally being used within this story; they are the shadowy words and anguished statements of the darkness that are surrounding the victims of this story. Plus the story is 27.5 pages long; how does that qualify as a songfic? The lines were added at random intervals and impact the scene quite harshly.

(So much for brief...)

**Dedications:** This story is by far the best work, in my opinion, that I've ever done. I can only thank those that have loyally stood by me through this endeavor and patiently put up with my crappy time management skills. **_Zanisha_**, _RedCrow1120_,** _xAkix_**, _DW_, **_Astaldotholwen_**, _Sekhemnet_ and **_aliasfan_**.

* * *

_Their descent is so agonizing...  
Both in time...and in sight...  
Staining the pale flesh of one  
Who only wishes to cause redemption..._

_Love to Hate... They are those that are consume the light and the darkness... They are..._

* * *

_**Crimson Tears** _

**

* * *

**

...Glisten with Light... Tainted by Darkness...


	2. I Can See, Yet I'm So Blinded

_Fate is a cruel thing  
It aims to hurt as easily as it aims to please  
I used to think it would never steer me wrong  
But now it hurts just to open my eyes each day... _

Because...

* * *

**_I Can See, Yet I'm So Blinded_**

* * *

'**_Why do you continue to oppose me? It's only a matter of time before the darkness envelopes what's left of your pathetic heart, so why must you be so ignorant?_**'

'_How ironic for you to be calling me ignorant… When will it sink into your thick, magus skull that I'm not interested in this darkness shit! You can't hold me back forever, you needy bastard. I'll expel you from my heart and you'll writhe in your miserable darkness for eternity!_'

'**_Oh, that's amusing. This coming from the battle-weary silver pawn, gasping and bleeding…ready to collapse at any second._**'

'…'

'**_Hah! Face it, you little fool. You are my host and link to the world of darkness. You are mine!_**'

'…_Grragh! Go to hell, you cocky son of a--_'

'**_Peh… I can't tell if you're pathetic or just plain entertaining. Hahaha! Was that final blast too much for you, my little pawn? Or do you enjoying begging for mercy?_**'

'…_Urgh… Screw you…_'

'**_That's right… Just keep trying… I'll admit…watching you fail over and over is too much fun to give up._**'

'…_Ugh… Shit…_'

'**_It won't be much longer… You will lose this fight…Riku…_**'

_**x-x-x-x-x**_

_**-Memories consume… Like opening the wound…-**_

She knew he had lost the struggle today. She didn't need to speak a single word or even look at him to know that the day had been a complete failure for him. Why? The darkness about the entire Bastion, yes…the whole castle, was stifling and ice-cold. Though this did happen often, today scared her, but she couldn't be certain as to why though…

They hadn't spoken in three days, a new standing record for the two. She had attempted a few words each night, but all he had to do was flinch and she knew not to speak again. How did she know? Let's just call it experience and leave it at that…

Slowly, she walked into the chillingly tense room, putting a lot of energy in trying not to shiver from the temperature alone. He was sitting at the empty room's only table, his elbows upon the oak wood and his head slumped in the 'pillow' they provided. Though this was the stated smallest room in the Castle, the very atmosphere turned it into some sort of empty void, a cataclysmic abyss where escape and freedom are mere imagination; fruitless dreams of those inane little optimists that just haven't clued into reality yet.

Though they were constantly laced with sadness, her dark ocean-toned eyes looked at him with a stabbing anguish floating through them. He was always in so much pain, but she didn't know how to stop it…how to help. It was, of course, harder to aid him on these nights; those when he had really been conquered.

This was not an uncommon position for the tortured boy to be in, though the intensity and pain would vary depending on his resulting battle with the manipulative shadows in his heart. He fought the battle every single day of his life now… Sometimes, they were short where as some…a lot…were long, harsh and draining. The outcome of each struggle determined how sane the tormented teenager would be for the day's remainder…or at least until the next challenge ruptured forth.

Two years… Two long, painful and violent years and the war within his heart never seemed to reach some form of conclusion…leaving him trapped in a chaotic stalemate. Some days…the standoff would be a variable of intensities, therefore altering just how greatly he would be affected in the real world. They were never good, but the scale of 'bad' wasn't always vicious…

She could tell the scale wasn't hovering today; it had fallen to one side, indicating a very rough night…for both of them… He hadn't acknowledged her presence yet and something within her cried out that she leave it that way…

She brushed it off and delicately walked up behind him. Warning shot through her body in a desperation almost too intense for her to ignore. She didn't deny the warning, but she didn't accept it either. She promised to be there for him when he needed support…no matter what she received in return. An icy drop trailed its frightened path over heart, but she bit it back. Yes…she knew she was in for hell…but…she **_had_** to try…

_She had to try…_

_**-…I'm picking me apart again…-**_

"Riku… You're freezing… Are you okay?" She gently laid her hands on his shoulders and delicately began to massage them, hoping to give him warmth and prayed it would comfort him. She knew it was dangerously risky, but again, she wanted to try. He was worth it to her…worth what it took…

She had chosen her words carefully, and even then, the decision scared her. The question was stupid, considering the situation, but she hoped that it would sound like concern, not ignorance this time…

…_This time…_

_**-You all assume…I'm safe here in my room…-**_

"Do I look **_okay_** to you?" She could taste the anger in his voice, the dark baritones baring such venom that she regretted saying anything at all. He hadn't moved yet, even through his words, indicating the silent rage response to her presence there with him. Ice continued to drip down her heart and plummet through her body, but she shook it off; still hopeful…hoping that maybe she would be able to comfort his tormented soul…though she still risked the chance it may also spell brutal hell…

…_He's worth the risk… He's worth what it takes…_

She didn't respond to his question, fearful of the correct answer. 'Yes'…the darkness about is stifling; of course he's not okay. 'No'…then what the hell was the point of asking the question… Silence wasn't smart either, but it seemed to be the only logical option now…

Instead, she continued to gently massage his beyond tense shoulder muscles. Any other person was apt to melt beneath her caring touch, the soft caress offering the loving support he so desperately sought. He barely reacted, tensing more if anything, as though her affectionate fingers were sandpaper. Her very existence seemed to enrage him… Explanations weren't possible since they would sound ridiculous and to be quite frank, stupid. It was almost like: The more she cared about him, he hated he hated her being. Looks and responses are deceptive, yes, but…

"Take your hands off me!" His reaction wasn't a surprise, but the level of malice in his voice _did_ scare her. She had estimated his anger to be high…but now…

…_**Too late… Far too late…**_

She let go as though she had placed her hands on a hot burner, pain and regret singeing her palms viciously. His 'head stand' slammed down upon the table, though his head remained in position. They came down so hard, the table cried out in pain, its anguished sound reverberating about the tiny room. She swallowed back a gasp at his sudden action, though it didn't quiet the severe pounding of her terrified heart. She stepped back, frightened by the violent shadowed aura about him; invisible, but just as deadly as any other. Her heart's convulsive state filtered into her breathing and voice as she tried to apologize for being so forward.

Funny to think she had anything to apologize for, huh? Apologize for caring… Apologize for trying… for putting up with his flaming glares and hate-filled words…

…_Strange to think of the things that can become a habit…_

_**-Unless I try to start again…-**_

"I--I--I'm sor---"

"What the hell **_do you_** have to be so happy about, anyhow?" He hadn't moved since he had the table scream, but if anything, it just made the question more intimidating. She could feel his rage building already, so rapidly and intensely, that she was almost tempted to fear for her life…

She didn't know how to respond either. There was never a right answer in a situation like this, only varying degrees of wrong ones. And that could make all the difference… What difference you ask? Personally, I don't think you truly want to know…

But she knew she had to respond this time…knowing he'd soon be up and demanding it. Her heart, the one thing that often asked her to try and help him, was now begging her to run away. He wouldn't chase her; he never did. But as long as she was in that room, she was an easy target…a target without a satisfactory response…

"N-Nothing… I was just--"

"Nothing, huh?" His head finally moved, his body straightening out in a chair. Her entire body froze, but not simply because of fear. His voice kept getting more malevolent with each word he spoke, though it also got quieter, which is what worried her. I suppose anxiety is a type of fear, worrying and what have you. Maybe she was scared because she was worried or maybe…worried because she was scared? A combination of the two, perhaps? Or maybe it was something worse… Much…much…worse…

"R-Riku--"

"Heh…yeah, that's right… You would have nothing to feel happy about, am I correct?" Slowly, he came to his feet, the chair sliding back with a nervous screech upon the stone floor. The silence following his statement shot daggers into her heart, his tone and "curiosity of question" only enhancing the eerie hush that fell between them. Her body was beginning to shake already; another bad sign. She fought it back, knowing she would need all the strength she could spare now… Her head was already in the noose when she had decided to enter the room. She just prayed the executioner wasn't ready to kick out the box beneath her feet yet…

"N-No…Ri--"

"You have nothing because you're in this asylum of a Bastion with me! That's it, isn't it!" His left hand caught the chair he had been on not a minute prior and sent it painfully crashing across the hard floor as he whipped around to face her. Shadowed aquamarines were in flames, as though reflecting the burning fires of hell within them. His lips were viciously curved into an enraged scowl, accentuating his eyes and enforcing the demonic expression his paled countenance bore now. And his glare was fixed solely on her, as though it were this girl who would torment his soul day after day.

His violent action with the chair tore a flinch from her petrified form; the suddenness merged with the chair's cries of anguish as it crashed upon the ground filled her with definite fear now. She wasn't stupid; she knew where it would lead.

But it was his malevolent glare that caused her heart to pound harder, faster, deeper. It displayed the day's battle and the darkness that had managed to conquer more and more territory. A bitter loss and a harsh one at that…and judging by his quick reaction on misreading her attempted words… She knew she was going to suffer…

""No! That's not--"

"Of course you can't be happy! You live in violent hell with a demon who treats you like dirt, right? Trapped in a dark abyss where you're nothing more than a distasteful plague that is too ignorant to give up… Am I right!" He moved as he screamed the brazen comments at the shaking girl. He came to a stop about a foot away from her, his voice rising in rage with each step. Though he was only a head's height taller, it felt like his figure was looming over top of her, making his state that much more intimidating. His tense aura was constricting, the invisible waves wrapping around her throat and tightening, the effect soon sliding over her entire body. Her breaths were getting shorter because of it, and with the additional pounding of her heart, it was amazing she hadn't passed out.

As he came closer, his voice obviously hit her harder, the words shooting like gunfire. His angered breath, however, also managed to reach her. It pressed upon her skin like a hot iron; her neck, her throat, her cheeks, all burned from the intense rage that had taken over the boy. She tried so hard not to flinch at the fiery pain that fell upon her, but she was already in a trembling state, which broke her resistance easily.

She also tried to keep eye contact with him, even though his eyes were the most frightening trait upon him at this very moment. They were never this angry right at the beginning…never. But early or late…it always came down to one thing…

"No… That's not tru--" You'd think she'd have been ready for it, bracing herself somewhat. But then…it never usually took so little to get him to this point either…

He would never swing at her completely flat hand, as it took much longer than a sharp flicking strike. And since he was faster than usual, it caught her completely off guard. Her words were silenced automatically as her head snapped to the side, the reverberations of whiplash rippling about the tiny room. Her hair scattered about her shot face, hanging helplessly as she fell still and silent.

As mentioned, her strikes were never of the flattened palm, but rather the rigid edge of the hand itself, usually using the muscular ball nearest to the wrist to inflict the most damage. Well… the starter strike anyways… He wasn't limited…by any means.

She was terrified now. He never hit her so early in the argument portion and even if he reached the "point" of striking, he never struck her that hard on the first hit. Her left cheek was always hit first…always, so it had built up what some might call a pain threshold, but this first strike felt like there had been no flesh there upon her cheek for cushioning, the hit immediately striking bone. She could already feel the tears of pain starting to build beneath her skin, the salt burning like it would on an external laceration. She was afraid…and knew she had to leave…before…

She slowly turned her head back to face him, though she kept her eyes down. The position made her look quite ashamed and humiliated for her stupid actions, even though to a bystander, they didn't seem that stupid at all. What did she have to be sorry for now? I'm still trying to figure that out myself.

_**-I don't want to be the one…the battles always choose…-**_

"…I-I'm…s-sorry…" His glare grew icier now, though the flames didn't truly fade either. He took a step closer, his hot, fervid breath biting into her scattered hair. His presence was becoming even more daunting than before, his anger again brushing into a "calm" state. There was also the fact that he was so much more dangerous at such a close range. His darkness gripped her even before he had the chance, binding and pressing painfully.

The black-gloved appendage that had just struck her not two seconds prior roughly shot up and harshly cupped her chin, thumb and index finger attempting to penetrate into her flesh. It was questionable sometimes if it would be less painful if his fingers actually went into the skin and released its precious crimson life, though to be honest, she probably couldn't tell the difference anyhow. He jerked her face upwards almost as viciously as he had shot it in the sideways direction and burned his violent aquamarine gaze into her shaking viridian ones again.

"What was that?" His iced tone clashed freakishly with his hell-fire breath as they both fell upon her throbbing cheek and frightened visage. She couldn't deny that she was scared of his glare, the darkness and its underlying elements so strong now that she almost feared he had lost the final battle, though her heart, despite itself, promised her it would be '_okay_'; just do what it takes to get out of that room…

His fingers pressed harder, a cringe getting away from her and just giving him more reason to push deeper for a response.

"…I-I'm sorry…" She tried to speak more clearly, even with his hand compressing her jaw and the shaking in her chest. But for some reason, it just seemed to further aggravate him…

**_…There were never any right answers…only varying degrees of wrong ones…_**

"You're sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?" His voice had shifted again. The question…it almost sounded genuine with concern; confused as to why this poor girl was apologizing for nothing…

But she knew the voice was manipulative; even the lips were sometimes deceptive, but the eyes…those that always tell the truth…

**_…They didn't change…_**

She was used to this too; his usual method for forcing her to look at him when she felt too ashamed to do otherwise… Well…unless he told her to…

It used to make her really nervous, afraid of what exactly he wanted to see…or wanted her to see. But after a while, she stopped caring, the action not being too bad most of the time… But now…he was hurting her…squeezing so tightly… It was all she could do from breaking the gaze with him and crying in anguish…

**_…But after weighing the options… She just bit the urge back and did as he asked…_**

**_…Just like always…_**

"I-I shouldn't have been s-so forward…a-asking those stupid questions… I-I should have just left you be…" Another eerie pause, the silence more daunting than any form of darkness. His glare softened, as did most of his visual anger… His grip started to relax on her jaw…

_So why was that concerned heart of hers pounding harder…and harder…and **harder**…_

"O-Oh…I see…" His fingers and clutch loosened further, though not quite releasing her just yet. His voice had calmed down another note, though his face was still a sheet of ice. And yes, the notes were calmer…but…they still seemed…

**_…Angered… Insulted… Fit to kill…_**

"I must seem like a Heartless monster to you right now, huh?" Again, she desperately tried to protest, but he wouldn't _hear_ of it. Her response lost volume and motion as his fingers slipped from her jaw, rotated a half turn and lay upon her trachea. Not choking, but not what one would call gentle. They sought to silence her…it worked…

She swallowed back her words and put more effort into holding still; her heart's freakish pulse was making her entire body reverberate. And she didn't need another thing that might make him upset…or moreso…

"So…vicious and hate-filled, huh? Blowing up about some insignificant statements, right?" She tried again, but was cut off once more, a little more harshly this time. He began to walk around her, brushing by her right side. His fingers never left her entity though; the tips pressing their way down her windpipe as he walked. They pushed bluntly onto her collarbone and eased their way to her shoulders as he moved.

"So volatile… So hurtful… A complete jerk…" He was behind her now, his controlled breath brushing through her hair, still managing to somehow reach her skin. His other hand copied his right and gripped her shoulders, eliminating yet another attempt to protest his statements. Her heart pounded harder and harder against her sternum, seeming to crack the bone as it begged her to get away…

**_…Too late…too late…_**

His hands began to squeeze her shoulders now, the intensity rising in small increments with each second that passed. Soon his fingers began to press into her shaking flesh like they had with her jaw, the pressure threatening to crush the bones soon. Her eyes did close this time, a pained gasp bursting from her lips, despite her attempts to stay unresponsive.

"Ri--"

"…A violent monster… Hell…I'm hurting you even now… Nothing but a twisted freak, right!" Tighter…stronger… Her body betrayed her again as her knees began to buckle slightly, the malevolent pain in her shoulders shooting throughout her entity. The tears were burning, but she kept them back, for reasons known only to her.

Despite the pain he continued to inflict on her, she still wanted to argue against his insults. Why? They were all true, weren't they? Why does she constantly defend him? He doesn't deserve it…

**_Looks and reactions are deceptive…but where does deception end and reality begin…?_**

"N-No… I don't th--" What happened next almost seemed staged, each action looking very well-played as though they had "**_rehearsed_**" it a few times prior. But in situations like these…there is no **_practice_**, even if it happened once or twice before. This though… just a random inspiration brutally sparked by unexplainable rage… Pity…

The table was specifically designed for the previous mage of the Bastion, his own personal creation. He had a habit for slamming his fist into his tables when something denied him, so they never lasted long. But rather than find a new way to vent his rage, he decided to modify his "thinking table". Sturdier, thicker, heavier…stronger. It may seem breakable when hit, but it proved time and again, that looks are deceiving.

He shoved her at an angle, though that didn't alter the velocity or force his furious arms threw her with. The table was just higher than her pelvis, just under her abdomen though. The table's edge struck her right side, the angle providing the harsher impact. The point of impact was frighteningly accurate for what he was attempting, catching her hip sharply and completely disrupting her center of mass. Yes…it seemed stunted, but most assuredly, no person can ever prepare for the volatile anger of the darkness.

The sheer force he threw her with provided such momentum, that with her center of mass ruptured, the injured girl literally flipped onto the table, cracking her wrists off the side as she did. But the momentum carried her forward, sliding her pained body across the wood and hurling her to the ground when the oak stretch ended. The horrific action almost seemed to move frame by frame, as though wishing to maximize the vicious injuries. But in reality, it really was only a matter of petrifying seconds; shock being her main focus until it wore off and her body became all too aware of the violent pain it was in.

She landed mostly on her back, though because of her motion, some of her previously struck side graciously slammed onto the stone as well. The sheer force of the fall tore a gasp of agony from her chest as it practically caved when she hit. She was lucky, if you could apply that word to her situation, that her skull managed to avoid striking the stone floor and no bones appeared to have been broken in the assault, though to be blunt, it was never a concern for her. A few Elixirs and a couple days time, no one would have known the difference. She learned that…faster than anyone ever should have.

Her wrists and arms, however, were not without some damage. The table edges managed to take a decent swipe at her wrists, leaving harsh, but fairly small cuts on the tops and her arms took a beating from the slam upon the stone. More pain…more tears, but still she held them beneath her eyes, refusing them with an intense determination and forced herself to get up…

**_…Efforts that constantly threatened to shatter what little she had left…_**

_**-…Because inside I realize that I'm the one confused…-**_

"Stubborn little bitch…" The back of his chosen weapon hand caught her right temple just as she had managed to pull herself to her knees. Though they were gloved, his knuckles bit deeply into her paled flesh, another small laceration for the tormented girl…

**_…Literally crying tears of shimmering crimson…_**

"Lying so openly to me like that…Arrogant bitch…" His last strike introduced her skull back to the icy ground, her throbbing chest now upon the Heartless stone. She could feel his enraged shadow hovering over her collapsed form, the very presence pressing her frightened heart into the ground.

…_Stay down… Stay quiet… Maybe he'll 'forgive' you and just leave you be… Just stay down…_

"…I-I…wouldn't d-do that… I wouldn't lie…to you…" She spoke with emotional confidence, though her battered form was cast upon the ground like useless trash. _Emotional confidence_… Despite the risk of her life, she would defy all but the true wish of her heart and assure that he didn't think she thought badly of him…

**_…Why does she constantly defend him…?_**

"What was that?" The heated malice in his voice made her inwardly cringe and that was exponentially heightened when his left hand took hold of her right arm. Squeezing with a piercing brutality, he jerked her back to her feet, took hold of her other arm and slammed her against the closest wall. His sadistic fingers delving into her upper arms, he yelled venomously into the top of her fallen head.

"What the hell did you say?" This time, her head didn't have the luxury of avoiding injury, the back smashing off the wall with a sickening recoil. Flinching from the raw anguish her fingers were producing on her limbs, she tried so hard to answer him without cracking.

**_…A verge she was all too used to…_**

"I-I w-wouldn't--" Her head cracked off the wall again, along with her upper body, cutting off her words like they were nothing…

**_…Not that it would come as a surprise…_**

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" The viciousness in his words made no attempt to mask the statement as being a request. He needn't bother trying to hide it anyways; his flaming aqua spheres were threatening enough…

She didn't force herself to look at him upon his demand; she never had to. Two years of, at the very least, verbal abuse, and yet, she would never hesitate about looking at him when told…even when his eyes could kill…

"I wouldn't lie to you, Riku... " Again, despite the excessive abuse she had just endured, and the anguished pulse of her rapid heart, she didn't falter when her words were demanded. Why? Because she refused to think badly of him… But why…? He doesn't deserve her feelings or her heart…so why does she put herself through this day after day?

An ill-convinced scoff burst from his lips, his entire aura angering further. Seemingly, it was because of her bewildering determination, though in his state, to him, it was nothing more than ignorant defiance. And that was not to be taken lightly…

He threw her again, casting her violently across the hard floor without a slight notion of hesitation. He watched flatly as the cold, rough stone left gruesome abrasions upon any skin it managed to bite into, which unfortunately for her, was quite a bit…her arms and legs mostly…

But no sooner had she landed did she try and stand again…as though his savage treatments really weren't effective. But as she reached the three-quarter mark, his crushing hands shot out again, embracing her cut wrists this time, before slamming her into the uncaring wall once more. Bearing his forced weight down on her slightly bleeding appendages was excruciating as her hands rapidly lost circulation and fell prey to bruising almost instantly. His lower body shifted swiftly as his left side smashed into her injured pelvis, his hip painfully pinning the rest of her entity to the cold stone as well. Not that she ever fought back, but this completely discarded any means of escape…

**_…Trapped…regarded as nothing more than some disposable trash…yet the entrapping paradox remained the same… She couldn't escape…_**

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Again, the question hardly passed as such…as a request. He was almost diving for the "wrong" response, looking for any reason to defend his disgusting actions. She knew it too, but she also knew there was no answer that would suffice, and even though it might mean further hell, she wouldn't surrender, refusing to leave him believing she thought badly of him.

"No, I would never think that." His eyes narrowed maliciously, flaming daggers stabbing into her viridian vision. It was as though she had insulted him once again. He leaned into her throbbing wrists harder, and she could see the intent in his furious aquamarines; if he had an extra limb, sure as hell it would bear a blade to her throat.

"That's bullshit. Three straight days of pure silence between us, and you walk in here like _nothing's wrong_! A pathetic hopeful smile and such concerned words, despite everything you go through and you have the guts to tell me that you're not lying to me?" He moved closer to her, his scalding breath burning her cheeks and neck. The closer he got, the more the crushing pressure built upon her trapped entity. That violent aura about him, the invisible aura of rage, began to constrict around her heart again, compressing her chest into the wall as well.

She couldn't respond to his statement, but not because she didn't have an answer, but not because she didn't have an answer, but because she couldn't form the proper words when he was filled with hatred like this. Not because it changed her heart, but because he wouldn't understand as a result of the violent darkness that was about him. So often, it seemed like he would never understand, but it never affected her judgment. Strike after strike, one violent beating after another, and still, she stayed. Shuddering crimson tears slipped over her right side, falling slowly down her cheek and plummeting off her chin when they reached the edge.

The droplets weren't numerous nor were they fast; the latter mimicking her deeply rooted patience. But still they fell as though wishing to display her rejected emotion…the emotion she showed only when she was alone…

_**-I don't know what's worth fighting for…or why I have to scream…-**_

"Feh… I got it… You're patronizing me…" Even with her pinned entity, she flinched at his comment. She couldn't help it; even with all of her focus, she couldn't stop it. If there was anything that angered him instantly, it was that. The biggest problem? There were no guidelines for what he considered "patronizing", no set tone or arrangement of words… No… And it _seemed_ like she was shooting blanks before…

Ever try to hit someone whilst blindfolded, light-headed, unsteady, frantic and in an atmosphere where the darkness is the only form of "light"? Probably not, but I'm sure the picture being painted here isn't hard to interpret…

"No…" _Closer…harder…the bones barely keeping together… Such violent, angry flames within the shadowed aqua…_

Two inch separation…then one… Malice overpowering…stifling…

"No? So what… I'm a liar now?" **_Hate…anger…hurting…_**

"No…" _Pain…regret…tears of crimson…_

"So I'm wrong then…" **_Intense…rage…torment…_**

"No…" _Anguish…confusion…emotion…_

"……" His glare hardened into a hate-filled look that she'd never seen on him before. Even on some of his hardest days, never had he looked at her with such vehement venom in his tormented aqua spheres.

Her breathing got shorter, her lungs acting as if it would be the last time they could. Slowly, **_very_** slowly, he leaned back; the immense pressure on her wrists and pelvis didn't lessen…if anything, it just got worse, practically merging her entity into the wall. Unlike hers, his breathing grew calm and controlled. Ironic, no? How those two extremes exist in such a situation, though the roles are often consistent. And how the more intense the one extreme is, the calm rage, the harder it is on the other, the frightened victim…

His head tilted down slightly, his silver strands casting the top half of his face into darkness, an icy shadow that sent chills into her chest. The expression his face bore still imprinted upon her petrified soul, she began to inwardly shrink, the outside of her entity doing the same to the extent that it could.

She had felt it coming in, the darkness more intense than she would have labeled the norm. It wasn't a new record, but for some reason, it had scared the hell out of her then and that same fear began to increase to a point where even she was not comfortable with. She was used to fear, used to being treated badly, and often unloved. She came to live in emotional distress and unnerving paranoia; all regarding her existence with this possessed child. She always shrugged it off; "it" pertaining to whatever a normal person would be horrified at, but she dealt with her demons.

She knew she was headed for hell the second she approached him. It was certain that she would at least get a tongue-lashing and she wasn't doubtful that he'd get angry enough to hit her. She knew the signs, and still she tried. Is she insane? Perhaps. Is she stupid? No… A victim? Yes…**_but of what?_**

"R-Riku…" Her voice shivered fearfully when his pale lips curled into a scowl of pure hatred. Why? It wasn't clear. It's as though hearing his name from her was the worst insult of all, watching her eyes tremble with saddened fear. It seemed to be what verified his existence as a violent monster…even if she didn't mean it…

"I've had it with you…" In what felt like a temporary pause in time, a second or at the most, two, his hell-fire aquamarines rose back to her. Something flashed in those enraged spheres and her heart stopped.

The sound of another palm-driven strike echoed maliciously about the room, followed by the collapse of the injured girl. She hadn't uttered a sound when he struck her again, nor would she ever intentionally. Why? Again, the reasoning was so unclear, but it seemed like she didn't want him to be pained by it.

Shaking, she pushed herself up off the ground again only to be met by a furious punch into the right side of her jaw. She didn't fall this time, but that didn't mean the hit was any less painful. Though the gloved cloth his hands bore was actually very soft, his knuckles bit into her flesh nonetheless. A new trail of crimson stained her skin as it slipped from the fresh cut upon the side of her mouth.

Still fighting back emotion, still denying a reaction, she gazed through scattered strands of metallic copper and whispered him another apology…

And what did that get her… A backhand across her just previously punched right cheek.

_**-I don't know why I instigate…and say what I don't mean…-**_

"Sorry…Sorry… You're always sorry!" Strangely, his words hurt even more than his hands, the sarcasm and disgust tearing at her heart. No matter what she did, even apologize for things undone, couldn't ease his pain in these times. And that hurt worse than any bruise or cut…

"And you never seem to mean it! You patronize me every single second that you breathe!" Another punch, to the stomach this time…

"No…" Another palmed strike, to its usual destination.

"Bullshit! You've incapacitated muscled freaks for glancing at you wrong, and yet, you don't do shit to me! Care to explain that?" Another demand rather than request, furious venom burning like acid. She's effortlessly thrown against the wall, throbbing right cheek slammed and pinned there viciously. One arm twisted backwards by a crushing hand while the nape of her neck was harshly compressed by the other forearm. Violently pinned, she cursed herself for her stupid actions. But what was she expected to do? Too passive…wrong… Too aggressive…won't help… A medium…? Did one actually exist?

Her heart begged her to cry, pleaded with her to release her emotions. It would hurt less physically, releasing the malevolent burning in her eyes and cheeks. But oddly, it would hurt her emotionally or moreso. It might save her since he may stop if her tears came free, but to her, it wasn't worth it…

…_A victim… But of what…?_

"I didn't mean any disrespect…" Cut flesh smashed against cold stone once more before her tattered entity is thrown across the room again. The abrasions tag-team each other and result in piling crimson upon her limbs. But still she stood… Stubborn…or determined…?

"Of course not! You never do!" Another punch…

"You treat me like a saint!" Another strike…

"You act like I worship you!" Another throw…

"You completely brush off **_everything_** I do to you!" Another hit…

"And then you tell me it's all right…that you don't care!" Again…and again… Strike…after strike…

"You live in hell, complete emotional hell and you deny it… Always acting like it's your fault!" Again…_again…**a…gain…**_

"Apology after apology, you lying little bitch!" He half-struck, half-shoved her once more, sending her beaten body sprawling across the room. Drawn to the previously thrown chair though some invisible magnetic force, she hit it and collapsed. Her legs practically began to bruise before she touched the uncaring stone once again.

Barely a second passed, barely a breath left her lungs before she attempted to move, dragging herself to her knees. Her hands came down in front of her, keeping her from collapsing, but shaking dangerously as she struggled painfully to breathe.

So focused on being there for him, even at the expense of her own life. Again, does it seem like she's stupid? Even the majority of her heart wanted her to stop, knowing she couldn't help him now tonight. And still she fights… Why?

_**-I don't know how I got this way…I know it's not all right…-**_

A hateful scowl took hold of his face as he glared down upon the beaten girl, now barely able to support herself on all fours anymore. Despite all that he had just done, she still refused to stay down and give up. That should have made him feel relieved, knowing that she was really willing to help him, but no… It's like the harder she tried to be kind to him, the more hatred she was dealt back, his rage repeatedly incrementing. Her breaths were shaken, bruises already prominent and vicious cuts scattered about her entity, but it all just seemed to make his next action more influenced.

Cursing at her again, he drove a hard kick into side and watched in piercing silence as she finally let out a form of verbal pain and flipped onto her back. Her slashed arms tearfully clutched her stomach, avoiding her ribs. They weren't broken, but they were definitely on the verge of it. Stopping her tears was almost impossible now, but somehow, she managed to bite them back…_somehow_…

Glistening blood finally escaped from her lips now, slipping hatefully slow from her already struck right corner of her mouth. It followed the example of her other crimson tears and fell ruinously over her frightened flesh. She tried to stifle the coughs that rose up from her chest, but they wouldn't be denied, spilling more of her life as its rose from her internal depths. Her breathing ability halved, only permitting anguished gasps to attempt to cling to the icy air about her, and that was quickly decreased further as her coughs took precedence.

He turned away and confirmed his next statement with burning ice, as though he really had no remorse for all that happened…for all that he did…

"Now get the hell out of my sight!" Biting back the violent pain that incessantly shot through her body, the beaten girl again forced herself to rise to her feet. Each movement was more agonizing than the last and it's a wonder that she didn't just collapse again, if only from exhaustion. Once mostly vertical, she bowed slightly to the enraged boy, offering her apologies once more, hoping he would accept them as sincere this time…**_this time…_**

Were her last actions stupid? Probably…but despite it all, she still refused having him think she hated him…it just wasn't so… she held a respect for him that no one else would, and she didn't intend to lose it…_for anything_…

"O-Okay… I'm…I'm sorry…for everything…" But before she could straighten again, his black-gloved fist came behind and closed around her scattered strands of hair, his knuckles driving deep into her skull. Jerking her head back sadistically, not a far cry from snapping her neck, he dragged her down, back onto her knees before baring a blood-stained blade to her throat. The blade…his blade…**_Soul Eater_**… The iciness of the blue membranous material alone threatened to take her life…

"I already **_warned_** you about patronizing me! One more word, **_just one_**, and your voice will be spilt upon this floor…leaving a permanent stain to serve as warning for the ignorant. You got that?" Her eyes shut out of anguish and pure fear, her sputtering breathing just shuddering out her response.

Somewhat satisfied, he moved the blade back slightly and threw her to the ground once again. His savage glare bore upon her, just waiting for another reason to attack, he watched heatedly as she jerked her way up and left him. She struggled to make her pain seem non-existent, though she failed miserably.

He waited until the door sighed with regret for what just happened here. The entire atmosphere had altered somewhat; that sinister aura of darkness wasn't truly gone, but was now overpowered by a deadly silence…as though his actions had even shocked those who encouraged it…

_**-So I'm breaking the habit…-**_

…_And he knew it too…_

Silvery strands again cast over his pale visage, hiding most of his face, which of course included his satanic aquamarine orbs. Slowly…silently…he slunk over to his over-turned and pained chair. Gripping the back, he emotionlessly lifted the fallen wood back to its original orientation and then re-placed it in its earlier position. He fell upon it, his hands came up, elbows being elbow support, and they cradled his head again, as though none of that even occurred…existed… Nothing, but a glitch of reality…save for one detail…

They were hidden to all, but one… Tiny trails of crystal shine emotion that displayed the truth behind the mask of lies.

_**-I'm breaking the habit…tonight…-**_


	3. Blinded by the Tears

_I feel like I'm forever trapped in a photograph negative..._

_I trusted those who could not be...  
I abandoned that which I loved  
I betrayed those who meant most...  
I fell into darkness and cannot leave...  
My path is obscured _

Because my vision is so...

* * *

_**Blinded by the Tears…**_

* * *

_You're just like clockwork, you realize that?_

His hand froze in midair, knuckles inches from the hefty wooden door. A barrier…the only one in the Bastion that he would repeatedly fear facing. Physically, it was nothing more than a chunk of wood, something that anyone could cross and that's how he constantly insisted he take it. But spiritually…or maybe emotionally is more precise…it was impossible…

…_Typical… The only difference is the time elapsed for each account… Pathetic…_

Aquamarine scanned back and forth, up and down the painful barrier. Looking for? Nothing could be certain… Its weakness perhaps…wanting to prove to himself that one actually existed…

He never found one before, but somehow, he always made it past. Maybe he did find one and didn't know any better. Though if a weakness did exist, it shouldn't… He should face the full-force of anything that was dealt…r-right?

_Now that I think about it, you took less time today than you ever have before… I can't decide if that's concern or just raw ignorance…_

His hand dropped…back to his side… It wasn't uncommon for this to happen, only this time, it looked permanent. He could never tell what exactly would curse him like that; his heart…? His conscience…? His soul…? Something completely different perhaps?

…Well…that's assuming he still retained most of those emotion spirits…

Sometimes, he thought it might be all of them combined, since he could no longer tell them apart as he prayed they still existed… But either way, he knew he deserved every hated word…

His bottom lip slipped between his teeth and was bitten viciously; though it didn't stop the crying tremble that encompassed the soft flesh. His pale cheeks started to burn, much more savagely than they ever had before. He knew why as did anything else around, but it still didn't make accepting it any easier.

The words were there, just like they always were… But tonight…they were frozen upon his lips, sewn and bound there…under lock and key… call it whatever you want, the result was the same.

It was highly doubtful those words would leave his lips…if not tonight…then ever…

It sounds stupid…doesn't it? After all that he'd done, surely he owed her some form of apology at least and to deny her that is almost more disgusting than his actions. He has no right to stop because of what some might call ego or perhaps fear…whichever…and just forget about everything. But is it possible that there's more to this story than meets the eye? That there's something existing within this account that no one else can possibly understand…?

_You really are dense, you self-righteous idiot… After all that you've done and said tonight, forget what you've done over the two years you've been together, you would dare to consider giving her **another** apology? Hypocritical bastard…_

Sometimes, he just assumed it was he who told himself all of these statements, the words actually leaving his lips silently. Another consideration he also pondered since he doubted he had a heart or soul anymore and that his conscience gave up a long time ago. All he had left was that bastard of a mage's shadow blackening the void inside of him darker and darker each day…

_Especially after that 'cute' little speech about her "always being sorry and never seeming too mean it"… I do believe those were your exact words… But then, **you** were always **sincere** when **you** said it…right?_

He cursed painfully as his gaze again decided to admire the floor, silvery bangs hiding a bitter countenance from the obstacle that bested Ansem himself. Though it was only a matter of seconds, he felt like he was trapped in an eternal abyss of piercing regret and hurt, standing before this door.

His arm eventually waved unconsciously to the side, creating a relatively small, obsidian vortex and blankly stepped inside. Within a second, he appeared in another position where he resided often…outside of her window, upon the one and a half foot stone ledge that the Bastion provided. As creepy as it sounded, it was the one place he preferred watching her from… Why? Because on that side of the glass…

…_**He couldn't hurt her…**_

_**-Clutching my cure…I tightly lock the door…-**_

Her back was to the window, though she wouldn't have seen him anyways. He knew that if she saw him, she would stop whatever she was occupied with to tend to him. And that included hiding scars, tears, bruises…anything that she felt would hurt him to see…

Loyal…considerate…caring…concerned… Everything any guy could hope for… Everything **_he_** could ever hope for…

…_**Everything he didn't deserve…**_

He had placed a spell on that window two years ago when this hell had begun… The day they were both sent to this place after Kingdom Hearts was locked once more. With the Heartless sealed, travel between the worlds opened again…except to him…

As long as a piece of Ansem resided in him, he was bound to this hateful castle.

Yes, on that day, this began. Most often, he would 'merely' abuse her verbally, spitting out insults and statements that he never truly meant…

**_…On those days…she would cry…_**

But then, there were days…like today…when that disgusting rage just wasn't satisfied with only hurling words around… Words generally fade, as do injuries, but the latter leaves a visible that's not easily forgotten. Some were worse than others, though they all resulted in the same thing.

**_…The night's where the emotion paths were crimson…_**

_**-…I try to catch my breath again…-**_

The shaking fingers of his right-hand slowly rose and rested gently on the glass beside his face. His cheeks burned harder as his aquamarine spheres ached from the sight he had once again caused.

Her trembling hands, no longer bleeding, but now bandaged, gently completed the task of tying off an Elixir soaked tourniquet around her ribs. He flinched every time she did and felt even worse when she tried to stifle them. After a few agonizing breaths, she reached for a nearby shirt and eased it over her head, letting the long fabric cover the ecru wrappings. He noticed the shirt was longer than the last one…

**_…Hiding the scars and bruises to ease his pain…_**

She had tied a bandanna around her forehead, tilting it down slightly on the right. His right hand clenched slightly upon the unaffected glass, the image of her crimson tears floating back into his mind's eye. He still couldn't believe he had laid into her tonight…words and actions alike, each element playing off the other like some sadistic tag-team. What hurt most…he tore into her for her extensive kindness, her continual wish to make him happy…

**_…Make him happy…_**

…_My God… What more can you take away from her…_

**_…I promise I'll stay by your side, Riku… No matter what, I'll always be here for you…_**

As her tearful words echoed about the memory fragments of his darkened entity, she reached to the side again to grab another wet cloth… Another one that was drenched in an Elixir formula of sorts…

_She makes them herself, you know... Anything you may have had...ran out a long time ago..._

That voice would remind him of this constantly, but it never got any easier to hear it…

**_-I hurt much more... than any time before...-_**

But that wasn't what got him; it was her slight turn to the left to do so. Even though her dual-coloured hair sought to shield it, his all-too clear aquamarines caught it. All he could see was obsidian with vibrant streaks of indigo strewn about, the flesh tone lost within a piercing abyss. And when she touched the healing formula to that numbing void, he could practically hear her gasp of raw pain, feeling her anguish deep within his chest.

Her left cheek was the one place he would always strike the hardest. If he only struck her once, it would be that cheek. It had been months since he'd left a mark on the left side of her face... Hell, he had punched her right side with a backhand following suit, but now...it was her left side she concerned herself with...

And as strange as it sounds, it was the harshest indication that he had gone too far...**_way too far_**...

_You stupid girl... You can leave anytime...and yet, you stay within this hell I put you through... Why? Why must you be so foolish?_

_Because she promised not to leave you...swore to remain with you... If she leaves this world, it's uncertain if she'll be able to return... She won't risk it..._

_Promised... That's why she stays...bound by those irrational words..._

His reflections halted temporarily when she put down the healing cloth, her gaze aimed for the doorway. She had been glancing at it off and on the entire time, but now, she was focused upon it. He knew why too... She was waiting for him, but she feared him walking in and seeing her injuries...

**_...Hiding the scars and bruises to ease his pain..._**

_**-I have no option left again...-**_

_**-x-**_

She didn't realize that he watched her dress her wounds every time...and if not her injuries...then her tears... After she was 'fine''...as 'fine' as someone in her place could be...he would leave his post there and return to the "impassable" barrier. She'd be waiting...knowing he could appear at any time... He knew it too...

He would silently enter, a broken-hearted aura encompassing him. She would glance out and offer him a smile...

_**...A smile through so much pain...**_

He would often approach her, though she would occasionally...no...often...go to him. She'd ask if he was okay...

_**...After all he would do, she would ask him that first...**_

He could always manage to hide his tears when they were together...much like her...but he couldn't help the regret he felt from the wisping around him. He could never bring himself to ask verbally, but she always accepted, letting him sit next to her or just be close. He'd apologize repeatedly, though he was never happy with it...the words just weren't enough...

...But she would always shake her head, hug him or squeeze his hands...his trembling hands...

She didn't care... It wasn't his fault...anything to make him feel better... It worked for a while, but eventually, he 'knew' she was lying to herself...

Then she'd apologize for the same reasons she usually did and they'd fall silent. She'd lean against him, her head on his shoulder, and sigh contentedly. He'd do the same, reflecting sorrowfully. Sometimes, he'd embrace her... and occasionally even kiss her temple. They'd remain like that for a few hours, often falling asleep... but whenever she awoke...he would be gone...

_**-x-**_

He couldn't be certain, but it was likely she didn't expect him to come to her tonight. Well, she never "expected" it, but he figured she had gotten used to it. But after what he'd done tonight, he assumed she thought he wouldn't come...

_...You left... You were going to, but I guess it's too much to expect for him...though the hypocrisy level really **is** too high... Nice work..._

His assumption was further driven by the fact that she shakily attempted to stand, as though she intended to go find him... She fought it, he could tell, but the pain was not going to be ignored this time. Her attempt was excruciating, even just being witnessed.

He could feel his chest compress tighter and harder as she tried so hard to become vertical, his trembling breath getting caught in his throat. He could see it; even trying to breathe was agony for her now...

_...Kicking her like that...when she **was on her knees**... You can't get much lower than that, you sadistic bastard..._

_...Please... Stay down... Don't do this to yourself... Not for me... I don't deserve it! Just stay down..._

Inch by inch...so very slowly... Flinch after agonizing flinch, she pulled herself to her feet. His aquamarines shimmered at the jolting and jerking in her shoulder blades, a bitter taste slipping over his tongue and lips. He pressed harder against the glass, almost tempted to break the window into thousands of shards and make her stop…make her realize how much it pained him to see her suffer for him like this… But then…it would break her heart to know he'd hurt all this time because of her…

_**-I don't want to be the one the battles always choose…-**_

…_No… Please…don't… Stay there… Lie down and rest… After all that I've done…just stay down and relax… **Please**…_

_Begging…crying…pleading… And you hit her anyways… Her only wish is to love and care for you…and you hit her anyways! Why should your words be heard and accepted!_

After she took obviously painful breathes, he watched in helpless sorrow as she tried to walk towards the barrier that she never feared to pass; his most feared to cross… But all it took was one step to take the beaten girl down. The air rushed uselessly from his lungs as her tattered arms gripped her sides again and she crumpled to the ground as though some invisible force had kicked her once more.

No amount of glass could keep her stifled gasps of pain and burning tears from his broken soul…

_No! Damn it! **Damn it**! **Damn it**!_

His black-gloved fist pounded meaninglessly against the unaffected pane, the sound heard only by his ears. He couldn't stop his emotion now, as the disheartened paths burned his pale flesh. His fore head hit the glass once; his entire body collapsing against it, though the support was negligible. Broken sobs; not hysterical, though unstable, wracked his tightening chest as he slunk to his knees. The action was slow as he sort of slid down the window, trying desperately to grasp some reassurance from something…anything…but received none. He didn't deserve any…but in all honesty, he really needed it now…

_...You foolish girl! Why... Why... **Why**!_

Again and again, his clenched right hand smashed against the uncaring pane, though his hits steadily decreased in intensity as the emotion took over. His gasping lungs continued to cry that one word question, tears filtering into his throat and attaching to any spoken words.

His body remained slumped against the glass as his thoughts, emotions and reflections scattered about the chaos within him. Soon, the words were inaudible as his tears pushed forward; a saddened vigil upon a solitary ledge.

_**-Because inside I realize...that I'm the one confused...-**_

_...She won't leave...bound by a stupid collaboration of words... And I can't leave this world physically... Domn it! I don't want to keep hurting her like this..._

His emotion started to evolve into violent, throwing his chest into painful convulsions. It remained unstable though, most of it built up from so many nights of watching her suffer for him.

The biting voices stopped, an anguished silence falling around the wavering boy. All that could be heard was his pain and tears; almost as if those voices felt sorry for this boy. To feel such regret...and pain... it never felt more sincere...or real...

_...This has to stop..._

Burning aquamarine opened to the world once more before he pushed away from the glass, casting himself from the ledge like a fallen angel with broken wings into the Bastion's misted atmosphere. The Bastion was definitely one that favoured heights, the fall being one of the extensive and chilled types. His pale visage was cleared of any lingering emotion as his eyes closed again for a long drop of reflection. It cleared his anguished thoughts, a solitary goal fashioned in his agonized mind...

A dark portal waited for him to near the Bastion's end, waiting to cast him out of direct harm. But the fall gave him the answer to the question he'd asked for so long...

_If I can't leave physically...then there's only one option left..._


	4. The Tears that You Cry

_To face one's fears feels impossible  
But either decision have become mine_

_But I break down...pull you close to my heart  
All I wanted to do was put an end to your pain  
But I can't even do that right..._

_Beneath the piercing night...my blackened heart dies..._

_For nothing hurts more...then..._

* * *

_**The Tears That You Cry**_

* * *

_**-I don't know what's worth fighting for...or why I have to scream…-**_

For most of the walk, the voice was silent, the boy's thoughts completely focused on reflections alone. He could have easily teleported there, but that long venture to his final destination was a final request of sorts, allowing his tormented self to bring the entire situation into perspective.

He waited...outside of her window until exhaustion took her. He had returned after a while and watched solemnly as she concentrated on that door tirelessly until fatigue possessed her beaten entity. He didn't go to her, as he would often do. Words weren't enough; not after what had happened earlier. No apology sincere enough. He couldn't face her directly; that barrier now impossible to break. Cowardly? A little, but he knew her pain would end tonight.

_...Now you'll be free to leave... I'm unlocking those hateful chains..._

The subconscious is a strange thing... There is much controversy on the subject; mostly on its relation to memories. Does it only keep particular memories or does it keep everything? If it be the latter, then what inhibits the recalling of the majority of past thoughts and actions?

He'd seen the effects of alcohol more than once; mostly in Traverse Town while he spent a useless set of days looking for Sora near the beginning of this "adventure". Thinking back, he sort of related his situation to the senseless drunks he ran into.

Eventually though, he realized a more chilling factor on his end…

He didn't remember names, but he knew of multiple instances where some idiot or another would become so intoxicated, he didn't know left from right, and yet, he would manage to do something either violent or stupid…sometimes worse. But…the next day…one would think it had been somebody else that had been there, the "memory" of the guilty party beings purer than a blank slate…unable to pull up a single detail of the disgusting behaviour he had not twenty-four hours prior. Imagine… Being incapable of remembering something that one would give up everything to forget…

…_**Riku wasn't that fortunate…**_

…_I shouldn't be allowed to forget, but if only I had that ability to just black out… But no… My consciousness must be alert…constantly…_

What did that mean exactly? When people get angry, often times, they'll lose control of themselves and usually, their actions become unmanageable. It was the same with this poor teenager… When the darkness built up too fiercely in his tainted heart, he couldn't contain it, each time seemingly worse than the last. But unlike some pathetic drunk, he wasn't fortunate enough to "fade" into a void mentality and awaken hours later with no recollection of what he had done or said; no knowledge of the humiliating pain he would continually inflict.

Even though he had no control of his violent limbs or insulting mouth, he would constantly feel as though he was doing it of his own free will. He felt his lips and tongue move, the rush of air leaving his mouth and the searing regret of the larynx vibrations. His limbs shifted and acted, and the pain of recoil was all too clear to him. He may be just a puppet bound at every limb, but the realism was too harsh to just brush off anymore.

His palms shook with the pain they felt from the strike, but cried from the hell they caused…

…_To him…the darkness was no longer some petty excuse… **He** hit her, **he** insulted her…**he** treated he like shit…_

…_**But now…he intended to cut the strings…**_

The main doors of the shadowed Bastion seemed to mock him as he approached. Silent laughter of the taunting shadows wisped around him like a foggy mist. Brushed against his lips, weaved through his limp, silver strands and tightened about his chest, gripping his faint heartbeat.

…_**You won't do it… He controls you… You can't escape your fate… Ignorant child… Fear possesses your pathetic heart… You'll fail… Just like you always do…**_

His intense expression barely flickered as his right hand rose to about chest level. A miasmic ball of obsidian and indigo pulsated about his palm for a few seconds before those daunting wooden doors slowly eased open. His path revealed, his hand returned to its side. His eyes narrowed for a second before he took his first step out of his one "shelter".

For the first part of the walk, he thought about her. Everything about her. About how much he cared and wondered how much she honestly cared for him. She would say it every day and her decisions always reflected that statement, but he questioned if she actually meant it or if it was something she forced herself to utter.

**_…Bound by a set of irrational words…_**

…_Yes…it has to be the latter… After all that I've done…there isn't a chance in hell she says that of her own free will… She has such a pure heart that she'll say it anyway though…even if those stupid words pain her to do so…_

The harsh realization tore at what was left of his heart, slashing and biting mercilessly. That foolish promise had condemned her heart and he knew it was all his fault. If she had known this was what her future was structured as; loveless, abusive and tear-saturated, she never would have affirmed those words… He **_knew_** that…he **_knew_** it…

…_But now, your heart can be free… It will finally be able to find the love it truly deserves… And you can stop pretending… You'll be able to be with someone who treats you right…_

Sparkling crimson delicately streaked the pale flesh of the teenager's chin as his emotion-filled entity continued on its way to its end. The stinging sensation of pain finally registered to him and he wearily removed his ivory teeth from his shivering lower lip. He let the awkward feeling of scarlet life reside on his skin before blanking wiping it into his gloves; the gloves that were filled with crimson life and many years of emotion. Amazing… How two articles of fabric could carry such sorrow and regret, often being more painful that the memories themselves…

It could be that is because they're the ones that do the most damage, being upon those violent hands. It's likely that when his murky aquamarine spheres fell upon them, they placed the memories back within his mind again.

_**-I don't know why I instigate…and say what I don't mean…-**_

As his walk neared its end, he began to realize just how much he cared about her. No one would be able to tell, but **_looks are deceiving_**… His heart was currently shattered about the abysmal chasm of his soul, but those trace shards that contained the faint light his entity clung to, always shimmered like a distant star when she would appear. Each sense of that tattered heart desperately sought her out, even if the darkness opposed it greatly.

Behind that black, murky fog that consumed his aquamarine spheres, there was a longing to see her, a wish to look deep into her eyes without words. They could just sit for hours; her ocean spheres his only focus in the world. And to see her smile… As unbelievable as it was, she smiled more often than not, and the deep fondness it held filled him with a warmth that only his lost Island's sun could do…

He learned early on in this whole adventure through hell that things had a particular scent. People often knew the darkness immediately, the foul, coppery stench of nauseous death being too chilling to simply ignore.

He was surrounded by it constantly, and it's not a scent that someone gets used to. She made that scent dissipate away from him, shielding him from the choking fog of the darkness. Her scent reminded him of his precious Island, the one he lost so long ago. The calm, lapping ocean, the numerous, vibrant trees and the sweet smell of the special Paopu fruit… It was like she lived there when she wasn't with him…

Despite his violent reaction, he ached for her soft and affectionate touch. He could never make it known to her, but deep within, where those shards of light were lost amongst the chaos, he felt so warm…even…daresay happy. It's like she knew exactly where they were and never hesitated to try and reach them… She never hesitated to just be near him…

Her voice… He couldn't describe what her voice did to him. A soft melody that he thought he would lose the next time it wished to find him. The shadows would furiously try and manipulate it, twisting and warping the affectionate sound, but something inside somehow kept it from completely slipping away. It was the one thing he had when he felt alone and forgotten… It stroked the fading soul of an undeserved boy and intensely fought to keep it alive…

...Taste... As embarrassing as it sounded and as awkward as it made him feel on the "better" days, he longed to know what heavenly taste this special girl carried. He dreamed of defying the darkness and drawing her into an embrace saturated in a passion that was torn from him long ago. He yearned to be the one to discover what intoxicatingly sweet flavour laced her warm, caring lips, to be the truly fortunate soul to savour the true sensation of an emotion he felt rejected from. Sometimes, he felt like he could just barely experience the special taste upon his tongue when she smiled so lovingly at him, but the feeling was so fleeting and he desperately wished to appreciate the true form of happiness...the one that lay upon that celestial smile of hers...

A solitary emotion path slipped brokenly over his paled skin as his aquamarines rose darkly towards the colourless sky...as he realized that dream, that wish would never be fulfilled...

His saddened entity came to a stop as his destination was finally reached. He gazed silently at the alter-like platform, his hands clenching harshly at another of painful recollection. He felt distaste glissade over his tongue and proceed down his throat to infect his inner abyss more so. Like some investigator piecing together a past scene, he watched the painful memory of his stomach-turning behaviour towards his childhood best friend play out the way it had about three years ago. He stole the boy's heart treasure, insulted and humiliated him and left him for dead. What's worse was that he thought Sora had betrayed him then...his actions "were" justified... That is until he finally smartened up enough to realize hid consistently stupid existence...

_...He couldn't think of a better place to kill the pain that surrounded him..._

His body betrayed him and released a sigh as his right hand refused to let this go on any further; like it feared the prior voices were correct. It's sad when even one's own body has lost faith in his willpower. It rose solemnly from his pocket cavern to where the sheathed dagger lay upon his waist. Pausing for only a second, he snapped the weapon out slightly, unhooking it from its lock within its sheath. His left finally abandoned its shelter to gravitate towards the shadowed handle and pull it from its haven. Gently, he released it from the sheath and laid the platinum upon his right hand, the handle nestled in his left. His stained aquamarine gazed at the weapon intently, taking in its daunting aura.

It wasn't a fancy weapon; a small platinum dagger. The hilt was a chilling hybrid of obsidian and indigo, both colours almost seeming alive in his hands, but both parts gleamed in the obscure Bastion luminescence. The light isn't always as comforting as people make it sound. Like now...

_...Maybe I'm making a mistake... Is this really my only option...?_

_**-I don't know how I got this way...I'll never be alright...-**_

The sound of the Rising Falls around him seemed to increase in volume, intensifying until they became a bizarre form of white noise. It built up a chilling mist about his mind, a numbing fog that seemed impenetrable. If only that were the case...

Like some old movie that could only appear as a visual, images began to form within that mist; each vision of a common theme, but all being of a random selection. But however the method, the effect was the same.

They were of her again, but this time, they weren't of hope and light... His vicious attacks slowly began to replay in his mind. Anything physical was occasional in those numbing two years, but one occurrence was obviously too many...

Too many beatings to count... Palmed strikes across the face; most numerous, often being the only one... He threw her a lot, allowing the walls, floor and any other random object to do the damage he wished to inflict...

Punching or backhands... slammed into the walls or floor... His body cringed as these visions just kept forming, one after the other, again and again. He'd never actually stopped to recall everything, his mind usually stuck on the current night's happenings. And to see them all compiled like this brought more pain than the darkness ever could.

Bruises...lacerations...abrasions... Different wounds...the same injuries... Threatened strangulation... He remembered the time he broke her wrist... She didn't cry out...no tears or flinches...but he knew the exact instant when those frightened bones went beyond their point of no return... It felt like an explosion that shock-waved through his darkened entity...beginning from those malevolent hands of his...

...His doubt faded...the memory ripple possessing his hands again... All doubt gone...

With a swift motion, he flicked the blade up, watched blankly as it jumped, flipped ninety degrees and landed the handle expertly in his right hand. His twitching appendage closed around the shadowed hilt with a grip that couldn't be tight enough. His wrist lay facing the unconcerned sky, his black-gloved fingers covering most of the handle and awaited the grim fate of their owner. Without a flicker of hesitation, he gently placed the curved tip against the shivering fabric upon his chest. His unnerved sternum echoed the trembling of his fading heart as it readied itself for condemned freedom... The solution seemed to be that of a cruel oxymoron, but there was no other way...

His left palm settled upon his frightened fist and clutched it harshly, forcing the fear to surrender to the ultimate truth. This was going to happen; there was nothing to stop him, no reason to hold back... She would be free...and by some twisted luck, he would have an odd variation of it as well.

The cold, uncaring steel sat waiting as his final thoughts took their chance... It had no reason to rush; its job wasn't to feel pity for the sorrow-filled slaves to life, wasn't its duty to weep for those who wanted their pain to cease. It was only interested in one thing; to taste and savour the bittersweet life of those who sought his aid. It would grow rusty from the staining crimson, but it would just find some purifying water and become "clean" again. Unlike those who requested its help to cause death, it had no regrets, no remorse nor fear of damnation; it was just a gleaming blade of platinum, obsidian and indigo.

_...Okay... The falls will cleanse the platform as will the water below... It will be as though I never existed..._

The unnerved pulse felt the blade ready...as he turned his back on the Bastion...aqua spheres closing one last time...

_**-So I'm breaking the habit...-**_

_...I don't know where I'll go...but anywhere away from him wouldn't be far from some term of heaven..._

A deep breath... One...

_...I'm sorry it had to come to this... I wish I could make it up to you..._

The most recent attack played its final show for him, imposing more regret and making his last moments the most painful that they could be...

_I only wish you could know how much you mean to me...and how sorry I am for putting you through such hell..._

Another preparing breath... Two...

_...I envy the one who'll be blessed to be with you...and I pray he gives you the happiness you so deeply deserves..._

The blade reached the point of just barely piercing... The reaper licked its lips hungrily...waiting...

_...Goodbye..._

...The final breath... Three...

_**-I'm breaking the habit…tonight...-**_

It seems like everyone has a moment when one thing...no...the thing that they least expect suddenly appears to change their life forever. It's not necessarily always a good thing, but it is generally so drastic, people can't even find a proper term to describe it. Riku didn't exactly have that many restrictions at this point as far as the imaginary term went...but the effect was still basically the same...

_...It changed his life..._

The strike was completely new to him, the feeling never actually possessing once in his seventeen years of existence. Not on Destiny Island, nor throughout the 'adventure' of Kingdom Hearts, mostly brought on by his extensive knowledge of fighting.

Needless to say, it caught him so off guard that the action that followed was almost unneeded. It confirmed his previous accusations as well. It was never done, but the ability was always there...

His cheek exploded with a nearly bone-shattering pain as a set of furious knuckles bit deeply into his paled flesh before the blade could attempt the same with his chest. The sudden attack stopped his action dead, his hands instantly loosening in a hybrid of shock and bewildered pain. That of course made it much easier for the assailant's enraged kick to fling the unaffected blade across the floating stone platform. He heard it clatter to a stop near its edge, not quite making it off.

After a surprised gasp ripped through his still chest, the burst of air leaving him temporarily breathless, the stunned aquamarines of the 'ready-to-die' silver paladin came under siege by a set of violently flaming deep ocean eyes.

Her breathes were short and pained and the flushed colour of her skin indicated her intense sprint to make it to him before he completed his task. But her beautiful countenance, the one that always gazed at him with such loving concern, was now that of what he saw of his own reflection in her eyes during those hateful nights. That face haunted his nightmares, especially since it was always reflected in her shaking eyes, but now, it was all the more intimidating. He'd never seen her angry, let alone this infuriated before… He could hear her breaths, torn and ragged, indicating the violent pain she ignored from her side to get there; another though that threw the stunned boy into a temporary state of petrification.

But that paralyzed condition was just a temporary knee-jerk reaction. That all-too-familiar rage filled back into his chest and compressed that tattered heart painfully. The flames returned to his frozen aquamarines, melting away the shock and leaving a hellish rage in its stead. The burning hate spread like a Shadow battalion after a single heart, consuming his mind and clouding his aqua vision.

In his thoughts, he was doing her a favour. He was finally trying to do something 'nice' for her and this is how she repaid him? By belting him in the face and taking away his final, even only, act of "kindness" towards her? He wasn't just going to let **_that_** slide.

His ever-ready hand lashed out like a knife to strike her as he'd always done. But much to his surprise, her hand snapped up and gripped his wrist with a fury unknown. Her enraged ocean spheres narrowed further as an emotion of pure darkness began to flicker within them. But instead of shocking the corrupt silver paladin, it just deeply increased his anger. He was not about to bend to this foolish female…would not let her control him…never.

Cursing her name lie it was poison, he struck at her with a speed he hadn't realized lived within him. Her grip instantly loosened from his furious appendage, and he delivered a lightening side-kick into her lower right ribs, aiming for the exact spot that originated her vicious pain.

She flew backwards, her spine practically merging with the arch's stone pillar when she hit. Despite herself, she buckled and crumpled to the ground, pain screaming through her tormented entity. Her arms gripped her stomach tightly as a savage cough brought forth more crimson from her crumpled form. It fell heavily onto the ground, the rest leaving multiple trails upon her chin once again.

His malicious aquamarines flickered one to symbolize the biting regret he felt to do that., the sight of her blood cutting him worse than his dagger would. But he knew he had no choice… He turned and walked for his fallen weapon, refusing to let this carry on, denying the darkness any more tears…crimson or otherwise.

But as he neared that sparkling blade of awaiting platinum, his lips let out an utterance of upset as the maddened girl threw herself as his lower back, easily bringing the focused boy to the ground. A good portion of his air was lost to a pained gasp as his chest compressed into the numbed stone platform, but lucky for him, his jaw missed taking vicious damage. She wasn't very heavy, but for a moment, her body kept him pinned against the ground, a bizarre subconscious reaction of his faltering heart.

But soon, he felt her shift upwards, trying to crawl over him to obtain what he assumed to be the same thing he was aimed for.

Stabbing shots ripped through his heart at the thought. He knew that if she obtained that blade, it would be lost to him. He would not be denied; good or bad intention, he would not let some girl oppose him.

With a hell driven motion, he threw her off of him and attempted to re-claim his weapon more intensely this time. But again, he was met with a fiery sideswipe and the knife clattered just out of reach. Her attempts were no better however, a darkness-filled attack always managing to that demon's blade from a set of goal-driven hands.

The violent struggle for that dagger continued, each side fighting relentlessly to possess the one variable that decided **_their_** fates. However, only one side could prevail… Managing to disable her with a kick that felt powerful enough to halt a truck, Riku's shaking hand finally managed to grasp the miasmic hilt. He got to his feet in a bitter triumph and tightened his trembling fingers about that handle.

But before he could even register his next thought of action, his battered opponent damned her pain, rose to her feet and decided to test her fate to the utmost extreme. Wrapping her hand around the blade of the weapon, she barely cringed as the cold uncaring steel bit into her palm; It lay across the appendage, between her thumb and forefinger; the piercing platinum threatened to reach bone at any given second. If he so much as flinched wrong, she would lose the top half of her hand…but she no longer gave a damn. She could feel her life warm that numb metal and her hand itself…

…_**But she no longer gave a damn…**_

"N-No! You stupid fool! Let go of the blade!" The chilling sensation of her warm life falling over those tainted gloves of his wrenched his heart from its darkened rage. Fierce concern and worry abducted his voice, anguish besting even disbelief at her stupid action. Most of his previous fury had dissipated completely, leaving enough for his darkened orbs to glare at her for such an irrational move.

His glower was easily combated, however, focused and intent ocean beating out its paler counterpart. They hardly flickered as they narrowed violently and her hand tightened a little. Another wave of shimmering crimson seeped from her scarred flesh and his will broke further.

_**-I'll paint it on the walls...'cause I'm the one at fault...-**_

"Not until you do..." Her first four words since she had appeared before him, and they filled those scattered light shards within him with flaming ice. Each extreme burning whatever it touched in its own special way, though both pertained a common denominator; a poisonous malice that even he hadn't been able to even breach yet.

And for once, he feared her. Her ragged breaths for air, her increasingly intense ocean eyes, the viper's grimace twisting her angered lips and the repeated brutalizing pain she brought upon herself to be by his side. Her life began to weave through the meshing fabric of that obsidian glove, tarnishing and possessing the pale flesh of his gridlocked hand. But what he feared the most was that she **_wasn't_** afraid of losing her hand or her life for him. A good thing? Even the darkness is unable to control someone in all ways possible.

Somehow, he convinced his heart to release that hilt, though that darkened entity fought with him furiously. He couldn't force back the burning in his ghostly cheeks nor could he plead with his eyes not to sting with those painful tears that eternally haunted him. He wouldn't let them fall, but as always, it just made everything worse.

She waited…waited in agonizing silence until both of his hands hung helplessly at his side before allowing her left hand to take hold of the slick, coppered handle. Her trembling flesh stained instantly upon contact of her own life as it continued from her fate-defying palm. Keeping her vehement glare with his anguished aqua spheres, she took a few steps backwards.

"Don't move!" The pained silver paladin froze again, the flaming tone shooting through his chest like a tainted arrow. His arms dropped again, his lips separating as though to whisper her name. He doesn't; her glower more than threatening enough to convince him otherwise.

She came to a stop as she stepped beside the stone pillar he had threw he into not ten minutes prior. He could hear her heart gasp with pain as her fingers slowly straightened and that now rusted blade was gently eased from her torn flesh. She herself didn't make a sound; it was her heart itself he heard. Normally, that would frighten him, an obvious trait of his Heartless-infested entity. But all he could think about, focus on, was her; trying to understand her…he'd take whatever sign he could…

His eyes remained focused on her, but he took in everything else with the aid of peripheral vision. He could hear the agony in her stifled breaths, could feel the strain in every fibre of her body, could taste the metallic crimson of her life on his shaken lips; all just looking at her shredded entity.

She waited again…for what, he couldn't be certain. He allowed her life to drencher arm before letting it hang by her side. The blood flow wasn't immense; just a steady trail that slid along and between her fallen fingers before taking a suicidal plummet to the stone below. If time ever froze before, it did so then; two figures upon an ill-fated platform, like-shaded eyes locked in emotional conflict. It even sounded like both hearts, darkened or not, stopped for that solitary moment…

Instantly, she shattered that phenomenon; her left hand clenching around that crimson fed hilt and swinging her arm backwards to drive the reaper blade deep into that stone pillar. Her raw force scared him; like him, her stronger arm was her right and even so, how could she have enough power to plunge that dagger so deeply into that unbending stone…? But he hardly had a chance to ponder that perplexing question…

"What the **_hell_** were you thinking? What exactly were you trying to prove, huh!" Though she intended to keep her rage as the burning power in her voice and glare, she couldn't hold back the emotion from slipping into both of them. She couldn't believe that he actually intended to carry out that stupid plan, and it left her shaken and shaken and pained.

He could heart that emotion and allowed the little fury he still pertained to feed off of it. It was that emotion exactly that he wanted to stop from haunting her. And then, she just appears to halt his decision and proceed to yell at him for trying 'to **_help_**'?

"I was trying to do you a favour, you stupid girl!" He stepped closer, gaining strength from his emotion and hers. He finally re-established that glare and used to fire the wrath of his words into her heart. When she didn't react, that anger heightened.

"For two years, I've done nothing but put you through emotional, physical and mental anguish… Hell! I bet I've even surpassed each of those and subjected you to much worse! **_You won't_** leave this place and I can't… This was the only way I could put an end to the constant pain I make you suffer through!" His rage was definitely convincing, each word and note throwing the answer into her face. He wanted her to regret her stupidity of stopping him, but mostly, he wanted her to see that he was finally trying to do something to prove just how much he cared; he wanted her pain to stop…

Her head tilted down slightly, her crimson-tipped obsidian hair casting her face into an emotional shadow. Her hidden gaze slowly switched over to her bleeding hand. And then, she began to laugh…

Each action sent chills through the teenager's body, freezing those enraged flames and throwing him into a state of iced confusion. His lips shakily released her name into the tense air…

She reacted upon hearing her title, finding it to be almost insulting to hear it from him now. Her cut hand clenched fiercely, a painful shot ripping through her body. Her dripping life slowed slightly from the pressure, but sporadic drops still slipped between her shaking fingers to join their pooled friends below.

_**-I'll never fight again…and this is how it ends…-**_

"You wanted to end my pain, huh...?" Her voice became no more than a tear-filled whisper; her heart straining itself to believe what he had "hoped" to do. She could feel him tense at her response, but it was her emotions that controlled her now.

"So tell me...you think I would enjoy an existence knowing the only person I've ever loved killed himself to '_end my pain_'?" Her head snapped back up to reface him, broken emotion staining the bruised flesh of her cheeks before diving to meet her crimson tears below.

"That I want to live a life knowing that no matter what I did, I still killed the one person who captured my heart?" Her voice rose in volume as she stepped angrily towards him, her insulted form beginning to shake. "Is that what you want, Riku? Is it!"

His jaw dropped about an inch at her twisted, though correct, version of what his "thoughtful" attempt was meant to represent. His chest began to hurt again at the sight of her tears, her explanation striking him harder than he ever felt hitting her. The burning increased, but he forced it back; he couldn't release it yet.

"No… I…I didn't…" His voice trailed off, his scattered heart refusing to talk or give him the right words to speak. What hit him the most was that she still insisted on her feelings for him, even though she had no reason to; hell, she had more reasons to hate him and want him dead than…

"You didn't think of it, did you?" She stopped, her drowning viridian eyes searching his uselessly. And was met with a harsh blankness that tore deep.

"…You…didn't wonder why I stayed with you through everything…that it was all because I cared? Are you…kidding me?" Her shock and insulted tone bit at his chest viciously. His ignorance…it hurt her more than his insults or his strikes. He didn't want to believe it, denying repeated shots through his body…but her emotional anguish wasn't some illusion within his tormented mind anymore; wasn't behind a spellcast sheet of glass…it was right there before him, her and mimicking her shredded heart and that damaged more than Ansem's bloodthirsty control.

"You're wrong! You stayed because of that irrational promise you made when we landed here!" He began to yell again, though the strength of his words were those burning emotions of darkness this time; the power built as he went through the reasoning he decided upon earlier. He saw shock strike her features, knowing he had caught her off-guard. He knew it; he discovered exactly what she didn't want him to know… Her reaction was enough…

_**-I don't know what's worth fighting for…or why I have to scream…-**_

Ever have a moment where the mouth isn't the ignorant one in the conversation? When the mind builds up something so strongly, that everything beneath it is the object's visions and assumptions? And what's worse is, the stupidity of such actions is never realized until someone explains it…though by then, it's probably too late?

Riku was 'lucky', so to speak…there was still a small window of time…and only she could make it visible to him…

He didn't see what hit him, though essentially, he didn't need to. Her stained, though slick hand announced its action with a gratifying "smack" as it made contact with his pale left cheek. He had hit her so many times that she knew each increment of motion exactly, including the impact area and the vicious blunt force it took. The wetness of her fallen life left a lingering sting that tore through his head like a gunshot. That chilling warmth clung to his cheek with a cutting passion, an obvious imprint of her sliced hand gripping his face with a vicious intent. His head whipped to the side, silvered strands following their master obediently and collapsing over his throbbing flesh.

She waited again…paused until he looked at her once more. She stood in a heart-cutting silence until his emotion shaken aquamarines looked into her tear-soaked ocean spheres.

"For someone who claims he's intelligent, you're not all that smart, Riku…" Her hand came up again to silence his next words; she didn't care what he had to say, intent on making this boy see what he was most blind to…her heart.

"First of all, you have a lot of nerve assuming my feelings when I speak my heart. When I say something, **_I mean it_**!" Her glare hardened darkly at his newly acquired shock in response to her statement, but she pushed on, her hurt emotion forcing the words into his chest.

"And I don't know about you, but I think the words "I promise to stay by your side… No matter what, I'll always be with you" are **_all-encompassing_**!" Another pause of tense silence, which was soon broken by her deepening attempts to stay composed.

He tried multiple times to counter her words, but was subjected to a speechless state of ignorance. Her blood hung heavily on his skin as he watched her helplessly. Those isolated shards of light pulsed weakly, hoping to tell her what he simply could not.

She caught the emotion in his murky aqua spheres and deciphered his failed attempts. Her anger left or at least sidestepped, pain and tears possessing her next words. As though the replacement was her will.

"Riku… I love you… I did before and still do now. I know why you don't want to believe me, and I understand why… But have you forgotten…it's not you attacking and trying to hurt me…?" His entire face dropped with emotion, though his tears remained where they were; burning beneath his flesh and eyes. He started to speak again, but was halted once more. He knew she was right, but…it…it wasn't…

"I can see it in your eyes when you glare at me and…when those strikes land…inside…you're crying…bleeding… The darkness takes control and**_ it_** is what lashes out…not you… It's not you who hits me…hurts me…" A pained gasp leapt from his lips, saturated in exasperation. The thought of those Traverse Town drunks filtered back into his mind… It "wasn't" them acting stupid…it "was" the alcohol… He just couldn't…wouldn't accept that…

"That's no excuse! Darkness or not, it's still wrong! Those kinds of actions can't just be rushed off under the pretenses of "control loss". It's not right…" His fists slowly clenched, the raw tension possessing his arms. They soon began to shake and his glare aimed for the stone below. His cheek throbbed angrily, growing worse when his skin was reminded that it was still stained with her life.

Gently, a soothing cloth fell upon that aching cheek, the slight wetness washing away the crimson mess from his flesh. His gaze caught hers with a grateful shock, though it was also filled with sorrow.

"No… It's not right… I'm not trying to condone your actions, Riku, but knowing that _you_ would never do that to me of your own free will…it-it gives me hope for the future…" His hand came up to touch hers, but she pulled it away once his came close enough to hold that healing cloth to his cheek. A small shot went through his chest, one he'd never felt before. She never moved away from him like that…ever…

He wanted to think it was because of what he had done over the course of the night, especially that cut on her hand, but something deep inside didn't believe that. It's like he hurt something else…

"But I--I make you cry every night…whether 'I intend' to or not… You… You're crying even now…" His voice fell victim to emotion and lowered drastically in volume. The haunting images of her tears played sorrowfully in his mind as his gaze fell to the ground, silvered strands casting those aquamarines into shadow once again. Only this time, it hid murky aqua filled with anguish as opposed to flaming ice.

"Riku… I cry **_for_** you more than **_because _**of you." He didn't lift his fallen vision, but he did sense her step away from him. That odd shot fired again…

"I cry because of your pain. I cry because you suffer so much. Because of your regret, your self-hated, your faltering faith and hop." She didn't move, but her anguished tension was enough for another pained shot.

"Riku… I cry because you do…" His gaze finally rose once more, but her eyes no longer were upon him. Her left hand, still saturated in her life, clung brokenly to the front of her right elbow joint. Though they weren't facing him, Riku could see her eyes were bordering the consideration of shutting out the world…maybe forever. A new set of anguish raced down her bruised cheeks, plummeting suicidally when their blackish abyss ended.

"But I believe…continue to believe that one day…you'll beat this thing. It doesn't seem that way sometimes, but your will is stronger than that bastard's. You're better than him. Even if it takes ten years…or more…I know you'll beat him, Riku. And I'm willing…no…I intend to wait until that day arrives, and will do everything in my power to free you… And nothing…not Ansem…not the darkness…and especially not you…are going to convince me otherwise…"

_**-But now I have some clarity…to show you what I mean…-**_

Murky aquamarines brightened, if only a fraction, as her words drifted gently, but firmly into the air. He couldn't question her sincerity, despite the shadow's focused prerogative to do so. Everything she had said, her unyielding voice as she spoke those determined words; it was true, He knew it now…believed it now… His previous accusations sounded so weak and pathetic as they hung bitterly in the air of defeat. Never in his existence was he happier to have been dead wrong….

…But something still made him uneasy… Her eyes still wouldn't face him, her entire body was rigid and fresh sets of competing tears still burned their way down her injured flesh.

An icy trickle slid its numbing trial down his spine and the pulse of his tainted heart began to freeze as the drop passed his chest. If she just went through the deepest pits of emotional and physical hell for him, why was she suddenly distancing herself from him? That odd throb flickered again, like a determined candle flame, the foreign emotion burned with a vengeance within him.

Gently, he stepped forward, for once, wishing harder to close the gap between them than keeping it effective. His free hand rose towards her face in a non-violent action for once in the past months, wanting to brush away those acidic emotions burning upon her cheeks.

Though his gloves were tainted so heavily from the past, they longed to lift the sadness upon the precious girl he had come to care for when the darkness would allow. She had done so much and hurt even more for him. He'd never brushed away her emotion before and though he longed to, he could never get the guts to do so. But that anguish upon her pained cheeks now seemed to plead for her comfort… He whispered her name…

…Have you ever been hurt by someone you hold so dear, someone you'd do anything for because, despite the darkness within him, he means the world to you? You'd go through hell for him because you love him; not out of pity or because you feel you must, but because your heart longs to merge with his, no matter how tainted it has become? And you feel like there's nothing in any possible world that could change your feelings, nothing that could cause enough pain to actually **_hurt_** you…and then…he finds it…

_**-I don't know how I got this way… I'll never be alright…-**_

His hand couldn't have been closer to her emotion-saturated cheek unless the shivering black fabric had made contact, when she released her right arm to swing the left up and knock his hand away hatefully. His confusion was less than subtle as it splashed his lips in raw paralysis. But it's quickly silenced as her trembling ocean hues fell on him once more. And though they were still drowning in her anguished tears, the pools had freakishly darkened, sending those piercing shots through him with acidic malice.

He'd seen hate in the eyes of those who have looked at the traitorous bastard of Destiny Islands; growing accustomed to the burning rage he felt from their glares and soon casting them into the category of bad memories. But when that penetrating acid consumed those darkened viridian spheres, he felt something inside of him shatter and ache painfully. Not because it hurt him, but because he had poisoned the only true light he had left…

"But if you honestly think that taking your own life is the only way you're going to attain that 'freedom', then **_go_** right ahead because it'll be obvious that I'll **_never_** be able to convince you otherwise!" She had yelled at him with a venomous hatred embracing her agonized voice. Her tears fell harder with every word, each more injured than the last. He wanted to say she cursed at him out of rage, but if that were the truth, it wouldn't hurt as much as it did right now…

"If you believe that plunging that dagger into our heart is the **_only_** thing that will kill that shadow…that nothing I say or do will ever be enough…that this solution will bring you the solace you need…then **_fine_**! I won't stop you…because it'll obviously just be a waste of time since, you'll just try again and again until you succeed…" Her entire body trembled violently, originating at her chest and quickly spreading. Still her emotions intensified, the shimmering drops bursting form their teal prisons and plunging into the embittering atmosphere. Completely glazed over by a hurt sheen of tears, her eyes glared away from him once more. They fell to her slashed and still slightly bleeding right hand, as its wound flared angrily back at her. Some emotion managed to untie with her crimson tears and the hybridized salty liquids fell brokenly to the stone below; the irony only adding to the pain. Her final words were clearest both in voice and in meaning, as they pushed her over the edge that he feared that one day he would do to her.

"…But don't you dare say you're doing it as a…_favour_…to me…" The emotion took over and she broke into chaotic sobs, her chest threatening to explode and hurl her broken heart into the icy water below. Her ocean eyes finally shut out the agony-filled atmosphere and willed her tears to fall stronger, faster, deeper. Her legs finally gave way and she collapsed to her knees. She slumped forward, forcing her wrists into the stone in front of her knees as she fought desperately to remain upright. Her body quaked savagely from the devastating anguish within her entity…both physical and emotional…

_**-So I'm breaking the habit…-**_

His darkened heart faltered and came to a thudding stop. The cloth beneath his glove sublimely slipped to the stone beside his feet as he witnessed the only light left in his damned existence shatter right in front of his murky aquamarine vision. He'd seen her cry so often from beyond that indifferent pane of glass, each tear burning a hole deep inside the void of his faltering heart. But suddenly, they all meant absolutely nothing once her emotion fell here.

He wanted to say that's because she was crying right in front of him; something she refused to do because she didn't want him to hurt because of it. It was definitely a plausible theory because anything behind a sheet of glass is easier to choke back than the same thing less than a foot away minus the barrier. But again, it would have been easier to bear if that were true…

_…Silvery hair to deflect the darkness, though his heart was not so fortunate… It taints…twists and mutilates…but often, it is the light that deceives the heart greatly. It blinded him…held him from deciphering the truth…_

_…There are four kinds of emotional tears…well…scripted in such categories: sorrow, regret, fear, joy… The light can make each category apparent, but blocks any further study. Sorrow, for example, is strictly sorrow…**or is it**?_

The fallen silver Paladin found out the answer the hard way…

When he saw her cry on all of those painful nights…he knew they were of sorrow and occasionally, regret. But only know did he understand her previous statements, the validity of her tears…

…_Then…they were sad… Sad…and nothing more… But now…_

He doubted that dagger could ever take away what he felt now…

_**-I'm breaking the habit…-**_

Anger…resentment…regret…pain…sorrow…lost hope…failure…but mostly, those crystal tears were stained with insult. She loved him…cared for him…put up with everything he did…never gave up on him…sacrificed everything… And he thought to repay her by obliterating the life and heart that she treasured so deeply…

…_And nothing hurt more than seeing **those** tears stain her light-rejected cheeks…_

He fell to his knees and for once in two years, brought her so close to him, he thought those tears would literally "touch" his heart. His chin fell upon her shaking head as his arms gripped her tightly, wishing to cease the violent destruction of her heart. He offered her no words of comfort, no apology or regret. He did not kiss her forehead or stroke her cheek. No… He held her battered form and will for forgiveness…inwardly wished for her pain to cease on that night. And only his eyes, his shadowed aquamarine spheres, mirrored that solitary wish…

_**-x-  
**__Locked within a prison  
__For so many years  
__The best gift he could give her  
__Was the release of those tears  
__**-x-**_

…He felt his heart…pulsing within his chest… A piece seemed…not so scattered anymore…

_**-x-  
**__A glimmer of hope  
__A reason to fight  
__For despite **his** darkness  
__Riku knew he still had…_

_His Light…  
__**-x-**_

_**-I'm breaking the habit…tonight…-**_

_**Fin**_


End file.
